The Legend of Gundam Wing
by Prettysammy007
Summary: The first of the LOGW series. Yay


The Legend of Gundam Wing: Part 1, The First Part… with Two Chapters!

By:  Prettysammy007

            Author's Note:  Lookit the title, can't you tell what it is?  Yes, It's a Gundam Wing and Legend of Zelda crossover.  This one is based off of my favorite Zelda games, The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time.  I might make a sequel based off of Majora's Mask.  I don't know if anyone has done this before, but be reassured, my will probably be funnier, because I am the Crazy Author!  This great, superdy-duper story is the first part of the… well I don't know how many parts it's going to take to get through the whole game, wait… (The author counts all the main parts of the game, two for each part of her story.)  Erm…6 parts!  Now sit back, don't drink anything!  IT WILL SQUIRT OUT OF YOUR NOSE!  So, I'll leave you alone now.  Waiiiiit!  I forgot something.  The characters in this story don't belong to me.  The Zelda ones belong to Shigeru Miyamoto, and the Gundam Wing ones belong to… well, I forgot, but he is cool, so there.  There are other things that don't belong to me, but want badly.  Oh, and Monsters = My eighth grade teachers.

Character Associations (I Had Fun With This! ^-^) For this chapter

Heero Yuy:  Link

Chibi Bat Duo:  Navi 

Relena Peacecraft:  Princess Zelda

Sally Po:  The Deku Tree

Noin:  Malon

Wufei:  Saria

Queen Gohma:  My Algebra Teacher.. erm, Miss S.

Dorothy:  Impa  

Chapter 1:  Chapter 1 Means The Beginning, Right?

            The story begins with a dark scene, then well, you hear some talking besides my voice.  Here it is!

            "For hundreds of years, I have guarded the Little People of erm…. China.  I am the Great Sapo Tree!"  the tree began introducing itself.  "Every Little Person has his or her own Chibi Animal Person… but there is one, who is chosen by destiny, does not have Chibi Animal Person."

            The scence suddenly changes to a young boy, about the age of 15, sleeping on a Chinese style bed.  We get to see his dreams, in a little bit, but I must approve of them first….

….

Okay, it's safe to look.

            As we enter the dream, you can feel the darkness overcoming you!  Yes you can! I control how you feel in THIS story!  We see the young boy, standing in front of a castle gate, which is closed by the way.  Suddenly, the castle gate opens, and a pink limousine rushes by, and a girl looks out the window, followed by a Silly Man in a mobile suit, with four eyebrows.  The man looks at the young boy, and the young boy's mouth hangs down.

            "… Duo, Duo where art thou?  Come hither."  The Sapo Tree said.

            "WHAAAAAAAT?!  GEEZ!  I WAS SLEEPING PEACEFULLY UNTIL YOU WOKE ME UP!  AND STOP TALKING LIKE YOU ARE GOD OR SOMETHING!" (Quiet, I don't have anything against God… I don't know if I should mention Him in my fics… if anyone is offended, I'm sorry)   The braided Chibi Bat flitted out of the Sapo Tree's branches.

            "Sorry, anyways, you have to go and get our young hero, Heero."

            "I heard you say hero the first time, I know what it is!  You didn't have to say 'hero' twice in a row!  Geez!  I hate when you talk all weird!"  

            "No, no!"  The Sapo Tree explained.  "The name of the kid is Heero, spelled with two E's."  

            "Oh, alrighty!"  Duo said, still confused.  

            "Now, fly Duo!  Bring our young hero to me!"  The Sapo Tree said.  Duo flew as fast as he could around the village, trying to find the house.  The village was called Colony L5, but I'll call it the Village.  Anyways, Duo flew around, trying to find the house.  When he spotted it, he started to fly towards it, but two people built a really high fence in Duo's path very quickly, and he ran into it. 

            "DAMMIT!"  he said, rubbing his head.  He went above the fence, and flew into the house, where he found Heero sleeping.

            "…Yo!  Wake up!"  Duo said.  Heero turned towards the wall.  "Hey!  Get your bitch ass up!" he screamed.  Heero wakes up.

            "Damn, I can't believe you took that long to wake up."

Oh!  Oh!  Okay, every time  that I put text in between some of these - (( )), that is what Heero is thinking, alright?  Here we go!

((  Huh?  What the f*** is that? ))

            "Hiya there!  I'm Chibi Bat Duo! Just call me Duo!"

            (( How the hell am I going to call you Duo?  The author taped my mouth shut with invisible tape…))

            "Great, we have on of the 'strong and silent' types."  Duo sighed.  "Oh well.  C'mon, let's go see The Great Sapo Tree."  Heero frowned, and went outside.  

            "Hey!  Hey MAN!"  a boy with greasy black hair runs up to Heero's house.  "Yeah MAN!  You got a Chibi Animal!"  this boy's name was Wufei. (Um… duh.)  

            (( Yeah, and a tree wants to talk to me, I think I'm going crazy..))

            "Move it!"  Duo said.  "We have to go see the Great Sapo Tree!"

            "WHAT?"  Wufei yelled. "You have to go see the WOMAN tree?!"

            (( Unfortunately… hey, I wonder if Wufei knows if there are any Shrinks in this area?))

            "C'mon, let's go."  Duo said.  Heero started to run towards the Sapo Tree Grassy Knoll.  (Knoll:  a small hill or slope. It's going to be funny what they are going to do when they get there, just read.)  Run, run, run, And STOP!  IT'S HOWARD!  THE BULLY OF THE VILLAGE!

            "What do you want with the Sapo Tree?"  Howard asked.

            Five minutes later…

            "HEY! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!"  Howard said.

            "Huh?  Oh sorry, we were distracted by that ugly Hawaiian shirt of yours."  Duo said.

            "You can't pass through here, you should at least equip a sword and shield!"  Howard grunted.  The author did not want a gun, because there is no fun in that!  Heero grunted, and Duo glared at Howard.  Then they set out to find a sword.  

            (( We should go ask Wufei about one…))

            "We should go ask Wufei about one…"  Duo said.

            (( ….))

(Note:  Wow, long and boring so far, is it not?  Well, you can highlight all the text and copy onto Microsoft© Word or Notepad, and read it later.)

            "You!  Yeah you, I'm calling you!"  Duo yelled to Wufei.  Wufei pointed to himself with a confused look on his face.  "No, the tree that's behind you… of course you!  Get over here!"  Wufei ran over to them.

            "What?"  

            "Do you know where a sword is?  I don't think they just sell them, that would be dangerous if sold to the wrong people…"  Duo said.  Someone behind Wufei laughed evilly.  "See?  If a sword was sold to him, who knows what would happen?"

            "…Okay, the sword is the hidden treasure of the Chinese Village.  To get it, you must pass the ROCK OF DEATH, DEATH, DEATH."  Said Wufei, making 'death' sound like an echo for cool effects.

            "Now… where is this place?"  Duo said, looking around the village. 

            "See that hole in the wall?  That's were it is, just climb through the hole."

            "Thankies, Woofy!"  Duo and Heero scurried towards the hole, and crawled through.

            "HOLY SHIT!"  Duo yelled.  "I guess that's the Rock of Death."  The word 'death' echoes throughout the village.

            ((….death))  And again, it echoes.

            "Okay, we're going to try and run ahead of it to get to the sword."  Duo planned.

            ((Why not go after it?  Stupid Bat… my life was just fine and dandy before this all happened.))

            "One… Two… THREE!"   and they ran as fast as they could in front of the rock.  Due to budget cuts, we had to make a dramatization of Heero and Duo running in front of the boulder.  The scene changes to Indiana Jones running from a giant bolder, with a poor drawing of Chibi Bat Duo stuck near Harrison Ford's  head.

            "Phew!  That was close."  Duo said.  The scence changes back to Heero and Duo, in front of a chest.  "… Well, aren't you going to open it?"  Duo asked.  They looked at each other, and Heero opened the box.  Then he pulled out…

            "I.O.U. one sword… Signed, The Guinea Pigs."  Duo read the note Heero pulled out of the chest.  "Guinea Pigs?"  Duo started to think, and didn't notice that Heero picked up a small rock.  When the Rock of Death came rolling by, Heero threw it as hard as he could at it.

            "No, I don't think they sell Guinea Pigs anywhere near here…."  Duo said.  The Rock of Death crumbled, and two giant guinea pigs run away.

            (( Oh, so the rock is powered by guinea pigs.))  

            "Nah, I think Wufei ate hamsters last night, not guinea pigs…"  Duo fluttered about.  "H-hey!  What're ya doin'?"  he noticed that Heero was searching through the rubble of the Rock of Death, and pulled out a sword.  The sword was… um… shiny and made of metal!

            "Alright-ty then!  Let's get our butts outta here!"  Heero and Duo crawled back out of the wall.

            "Okay, I think they sell shields."  Duo said when they got out.  "Crazy people can't hurt each other with those."  He didn't notice the two people in the background, smacking each other with a  shield.  "How much money do you have?"  Heero pulled 20 rupees out of his pocket.  Duo searched through his, and found lint, old gum, and a paper clip.

(( I should go steal some from Howard, that would teach his sorry ass a lesson…))

            "We should go steal some from Howard, that would teach his sorry ass a lesson…" Duo muttered.

            (( What the hell is his deal?  Can he read my mind, or something?))

            "Yes I can read you mind."  Duo grinned.

            (( You won't be able to read MY thoughts, Bat… Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow))

            "…O…kay…"  Duo pondered.  "Anyways, let's go to Howard's house.  I'm sure he's full of it!"

            (( What?  Shit?))

            "Money, dimwit."  Duo rolled his eyes, and beckoned Heero to come with him.  They made sure nobody was looking, and entered the house.

            "Let's check everywhere."  Duo said.  "You check his mattress, and I'll check his dresser."  They went to their designated areas, and checked.

            ((…People put money in their mattresses?)) 

            "Okay, let's see what's in Drawer #1!"  Duo opened the drawer, to reveal….

            "AH!  MY EYES! OH MY GOD!  I'M BLIND!"

            The drawer revealed Hawaiian patterned brief pants.  The narrator runs to puke up her slushy.  Yuk.

            "I-I'M TO YOUNG TO DIE!  OH MY GOD MY VIRGIN EYES!"

            (( You're still a virgin?))

            "Yeah? So?"

            ((….Me too))

            "Let's never talk about this subject again, it's really awkward…"

            ((Deal..))

            "I'm afraid to look in Drawer #2, you open it!"  Duo said.  Heero opened it quickly, and found 40 rupees.

            "Crap!  Someone is coming!"  Duo said.  Heero and Duo hid under Howard's bed just as Howard entered.  Howard looked around, and opened his closet, there, our young heroes see…. Clothes.

….

So, anyways, they sneak out… yay.

 "Good, Howard is gone! He probably wouldn't have let us pass anyways." Duo commented.  They continue through the passage way, and finally get to the Great Sapo Tree's Grassy Knoll.  "Yo!  I'm back!" 

"What?  Whose there?  I don't talk to anyone unless they roll down the Grassy Knoll."  The Tree said.

"I don't want toooooo!" Duo whined.

((… I have to roll down this?  What if there is dog crap on it?)) 

            So, they roll down the grassy knoll, woo.

            "Ahem, now Heero."  The Sapo Tree began.

            "No!  Not a speech!  I'm going to die of boredom." Duo said.  The Sapo Tree ignored this comment, and continued on.

            "Now, Heero, a wicked man with four-eyebrows has cast a curse upon me, so you have to go and beat it up, and stuff… okay?"  The Sapo Tree said.  It opened its mouth, and a rancid stench came out.  Duo fainted, and Heero put him in hammerspace.  (Hammerspace:  A place where infinite items can be stored, where Link keeps all his weapons… etc.)   "Enter brave one."  The Sapo Tree said.

            ((DAMN!  That stanks!))

            So anyways, Heero went in, and Duo came back out of hammerspace.

            "What the…?"  Duo said, looking around.  There were Garfield posters stuck inside the interior of the Sapo Tree.  We are going to pause for a few minutes, so Heero can finish the dungeon.

*** Um, Meow.***

            There, we are finally at the boss.  Heero and Duo open a creepy door, and they enter a room, with fog and stuff. 

            "AHHHHH!"  Duo screamed.  "Look up there! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!"  a gargantuan monster dropped from the ceiling.  The monster had a division symbol in its eye.  White words pop up on the screen:

Crazy Math Teacher

QUEEN S.

            Suddenly, the Royal Band of S.'s World, The Beach Boys start to play in the background.

            "Round, round get around, I get around!  Whoooooooh!" the music chimed.  

            Duo was dancing along with the music.  "C'mon, kill it!"

            "Divide!  DIVIDE!"  the monster uttered.  It climbed onto the ceiling, and laid eggs.  Heero cautiously went up to one, and it began to hatch.  

            "AHH!"  Duo fluttered around the egg.  "It's so cute!"  inside the egg was a cat, a very cute one.  The cat had giant watery eyes, and a sad look on its face.

            "Kitty, kitty, kitty!  I want to pet the kitty!"  Duo said.

            ((…a cat?  There's something weird about it.))

            Duo reached out to pet the kitty, and it started to purr.  Suddenly, the cat hissed, and started to play its favorite game:  Bat at the Bat.

            "Hey!"  Duo dodged the kittens swipes.  "Heero!  The kitty is mean!"

            "Ahem….. DIVIDE!"  The Queen roared.  Heero turned around, and stabbed the Queen in the eye, who dissolved into a blueberry fresh scent, and left a shiny blue light.  Heero stepped into the light, and was transported outside. Wow.

            "Oh, Heero, I didn't expect you back so soon."  The Sapo Tree sighed.  "Even though you broke the curse, I'm still going to die.  Don't be sad, I was going to die before you went in me."

            "What?!"  Duo yelled.  "YOU MEAN WE WENT IN THERE FOR NOTHING?!  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?  TRYING TO KILL US?"

            "…"  The Sapo Tree tried to think of an excuse. "Before I die, I must tell you the story of the Five Gundams that created the colonies."  Then the story began, and the Sapo Tree talked as loud as it could over Duo's snoring.

            "Before life and time existed, Five Gundams descended upon the chaos that was the colonies.  Deathscythe, the Gundam of Death.  Heavyarms, the Gundam of Shiny objects, Sandrock, the Gundam of Girly-men, Shenlong, the Gundam of Dragons, and Wing Zero, the Gundam of Most Importance."

            "Heavyarms, with a lot of guns, put shiny objects in the colonies, like foil stickers and such.  Sandrock, with a Japanese voice that sounds much like a girl, put tea, flowers, grassy knolls, and flamingos here.  Shenlong, with a pretty dragon arm, just came to watch.  And Wing Zero, whose system made people go crazy, put more chaos upon the colonies.  All was well and pure, until Deathscythe came, and put death upon the colonies."

            Duo snorted and the tree glared. "Now Heero, I want you to have this, this item that that man wanted so much, that he put curse upon me."  The Sapo Tree said.  There was a shiny light, and Heero was shown holding… a light bulb?

            ((Huh?  What the hell?))

            "That light bulb is of great importance. Make sure it is not stolen.  Now Heero, before I die, I want you to do something else.  Go to Earth, there you will find a Spoiled Brat of Destiny.  She will instruct you on what to do next."  Duo was just waking up, and was busy rubbing his eyes.

            "Duo, help Heero on his journey, or I will get on your case."

            "You can't, your going to die."  Duo muttered.

            "I heard that, and you can shut up before I kick your…"  and the Sapo Tree said no more, because it died.  Duo stood on Heero's shoulder.

            "C'mon, let's go to Earth."  Duo took off from Heero's shoulder.  "Go on, I'll catch up with you in a little bit."  Heero shrugged, and started to walk away.  Duo flew up to the tree, and bowed his head.

            "You.. you STUPID TREE!"  Duo screamed.  "Why did you have to die?!"  after a small minute of sadness, Duo began to kick the tree, then burned it.

            "_Hafta get rid of the evidence…"_  he thought.  After that, he caught up with Heero, and they continued on their journey to Earth.

Heero and Duo re-entered the village, to be greeted by none other than Howard, who had a weird look on his face.

            "What happened?  The Sapo Tree, did it die?"  Howard asked.  Heero nodded as the smell of smoke rolled across his nose.  He looked at Duo with accusing eyes.

            "Yeah, and I BURNED IT TOO!  HA!"  Duo laughed.  There was a grin crookidly placed on Howard's face.

            "Woohoo!"  Howard said.  He took off his shirt and pants and began to dance around in his underwear.   

            "AAAAAIEEEEE!"  Duo screamed at the top of his lungs.  He and Heero ran towards the portal that lead to the Earth.  As they were crossing the bridge, Wufei popped out of nowhere, and patted Heero on the back.

            "Alright MAN!  You killed the WOMAN tree!"  he smiled, then tossed Heero something.  "I want you to have this."  Heero held a glowing xylophone in his hands, one of the smaller sized ones.  Heero just stared at Wufei, and slowly backed away.

            "What is his problem?  Eating hamsters and giving away xylophones?  FREAK!"  Duo yelled as they ran away.

Chapter 2:  The Hippies, and the Spoiled Brat. 

Continuing with our story, our two 'heroes'  make their way to the castle.  While running, Duo was explaining the stories about Earth that he heard from the Sapo Tree.

"And, if you are in the field at night… the Hippy Soldiers will come out and get you!"  Duo said.

(( We should hurry then!  C'mon!))  

"There's the Earth Flea Market!"  Duo pointed to a town over the horizon.  (Get it?  Hyrule Market Town?  Earth Flea Market?  Heh…)  "Hurry!  Run!"  the two ran towards the gate as the sun began to set over the horizon.  Just when they were two feet from the gate, it closed quickly.

"Dammit!"  Duo yelled.  He looked around, with no sign of the Hippy Soldiers.

((  Sapo Tree = Stupid + Dead ))

"Oh well, we may as well walk around…"  Duo said.  They took about five steps, when a skeleton wearing a tye-dye t-shirt came barreling out of the ground.  (Note:  I feel that this is pretty stereo-type, but what else can I do?  If anyone is offended by this, or any other things in this story, I apologize, it's not like I know what offends everyone.  But I have learned one thing in writing:  Whatever you write, it will offend someone, no matter what.  So keep that in mind that I am trying to please myself and others with this fan-fic.)

"Hey!  What's you deal, man?"  it asked.  "It didn't do anything to you!"

"W-what the hell are you talking about?"  Duo asked.

"That tree, man!"  another one comes out of the ground.  "You burned it!"

"Oh, I have a reason for that."  Duo sighed.  He began his explanation, and by the time he was finished, the sun was about to rise.

Later…

"… and it made me wear a tea-pot costume, and sing 'I'm a Little Tea-pot' and do the stupid actions with it!  I think I'm traumatized for life!"  Duo said.  

"Oh, well that explains a lot…"  the soldiers grinned.  "Well, the sun is rising, and we gotta split, man.  See ya later!"  and they went back underground.

"Heh… piss off… c'mon Hee-chan, let's go."  

(( Don't call me Hee-chan ))

"Okay, Hee-chan."  Duo smirked.  The sun was up, and  the gate to the Flea Market was opening.  They walked towards the gate, and when they were two feet away from it, the sun set, and the gate shut.  

"What the hell ?!"

((Hmm…..))

The heroes walked away from the gate, the sun rose, and the gate opened.  They ran towards it, and the same thing happened.

"Curse you sun!"  Duo flipped the sun off, and a cloud made a shape of a finger back at them.  While Duo was cussing at the cloud, Heero picked up a small rock, and he threw it at the sun.  The sun became unconscious, and stayed in place.  Heero grabbed Duo, and quickly ran into the Flea Market.

When they entered the Earth Flea Market, their eyes averted to the following scene:

"Wait!"  a young girl called out.  That's mine!

"Not anymore it isn't!"  a teenage punk teased.  He held a doll in his hand, and showed it to the girl.  Heero and Duo looked at each other, and walked over to the scene.  

"What you got their kid?"  Duo asked the punk.

"I gots her dolly."  The kid held the doll up triumphantly.  He looked at Heero.  "What's with the silent kid?"

"Punk, meet my muscle."  Duo said.  Heero shot a confused look to Duo.  "Kick him in the Sapo Nuts."  Duo whispered. (Heh, kinda dirty humor.  Deku nuts, Sapo nuts, human nuts, they mean the same thing in this story.)  Heero got ready, while the punk was still teasing the girl.

"Ready?  Set, go!"  Duo called.  Heero ran up to the punk, kicked him in the nuts, and ran, ran like a girly man!  The punk kid stood for a second, and then he bent down and started to cry.  Duo was rolling over laughing.  

"Y-you're mean!"  the punk wailed, and ran away.  The girl made sure he was gone, and picked up her doll.  

"Thank you very much."  The girl bowed in gratitude.  Heero, who was hiding behind the fountain in the center of the Flea  Market, ran back up to Duo and the girl.

"My name is Noin.  I live at the Mobile Suit Ranch outside of town of town."  She introduced herself.  (Hey, I know this is not how Malon came into the game.  I'm not going to just make Heero walk up to a complete stranger that says 'Howdy!  I'm Noin!'  Heero would probably shoot her, or stab her with the sword in this case.)

"Are you going to the castle?  My Father's-Uncle's- Cousin's- Niece's- Daughter's-Sister twice removed, Good Lady Une is there.  She's probably sleeping or something.  What an irresponsible thing for a lady to do!"  

((Due to your blabbing, my I.Q. has dropped 15 points.))  

"And now your I.Q. is down to…. four."  Duo said.  Heero shot the EVIL EYE (bum.. bum bum!) to Duo.

Twenty minutes later…

"And the penguins stole all the fish on the Blue Star, and Hiro killed Lucia.  Ronfar said: 'Why'd the hell did you kill her?'  and Hiro said: 'The penguins and the author told me to.'  Ruby, who missed Nall, started to scorch the penguins cuz they stole all the fish!'"  (Note:  those characters are from Lunar 2, my new obsession.)

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY AND SANE… SHUT UP!" Duo screamed.  Noin paused.  "You are so damn annoying!  Let's go Heero, before she begins to talk again."  Heero, who was hitting his head on the nearest wall, stopped, and joined his little kawaii companion, AND LEFT NOIN BEHIND, WHO WAS CRYING!! HA! Wooooooosh!

"Here's the plan, see?"  Duo began to talk like one of those 30's gang members.  "We sneak into the castle, see?  And we go see this princess lady, see Mugsy?"

((  Now you need to shut up, I have Hammerspace!))  

"Oh, fine…"  Duo grumbled.  They continued on, easily evading the one guard by a tree.  As they neared a secret entrance, they found a woman with shoulder length hair asleep.

((Let's kill her, nobody will notice.))

"Wait, that's probably that idiot girl's Second- Cousin's Niece's….. whatever the hell she is."

((Who cares?  Let's kill her anyways!))  

"Let's just drown her in the moat."  Duo suggested as the woman rolled over.

((Let's stab her and bury her.))

"Drown."

((Stab))

"Drown!"

((Stab!))

"I SAID DROWN DAMMIT!  NOW WE ARE GOING TO LET HER BODY JUST FLOAT IT'S MERRY WAY DOWN THE MOAT!"  Duo screamed.

"Um, excuse me?"  the lady sitting on the ground.

"WHAT?"

"I'm awake."

"Good for you, now Heero, we're going to drown her."  Duo concluded.

((She's awake, you moron.  Now we can't kill her.))

"Oops…"  Duo smiled.  "Well, hello!  My name is Duo, and this is Heero."  He introduced he and Heero to the woman.

"I'm good Lady Une."  She said and got up.  "I came here to deliver a cage of squirrels, and fell asleep.

"There's one nibbling on your head."  Duo pointed.

((Dammit, Duo!  Why did you point it out?))

"She's nice, unlike you!"  Duo retorted and turned back to Good Lady Une, who was putting the squirrel back into the cage with the others.  

"That Noin girl was looking for you."  Duo said.  Good Lady Une's  eyes widened.

"Oh, crap!  There are vicious fleas that could attack her in the market!"  she rushed off in her high heels.  "Thanks!"

"Hmm… I hope we meet her again."  Duo said and didn't notice that Heero was trying to abandon him by crawling through the hole without him.  "Come back here, nimrod!"  he caught up with him.

Now they are in the castle.

((There aren't any guards…))  

"Cool, this will be easy."  He said and flew ahead of Heero.  They eventually made their way to the courtyard.

(Note:  If you like Relena, you should stop reading.  I hate Relena with a bloody passion, so she will be bashed like any other insane person would bash her.  The reason some of us like to bash her (me in particular) is because she is such an easy target:  She stalks poor Hee-chan, which is REALLY pathetic.  She's a spoiled little brat, and the real secret that her 'father' wanted to tell her was that she was crossbred between a goat and frog.  Thank you.)

Heero and Duo… wait… Our hero and his little chibi kawaii, bishilicious when he is human sized friend creep towards the monster they see ahead of them.  As they were walking along, they were planning their surprise attack.

            "Okay I think we should sneak up on it and attack it with a big yell."  Duo plotted and grinned evilly.

            (( Good idea, but I think we should go 'hi ya!' instead of 'haa!' ))

            "Whatever you can't talk anyways, remember?… oh shit!  It spotted us!"  Duo squeaked.  It began to walk towards them, and they began to back away slowly

            ((I hope you burn in hell for this, tree!  You make me get a sword  to fight with, and expect me to know how to use it?))

            "The people of the forest were offering a training session, dimwit!"  Duo said.  They backed into a wall.

            "Hey, how did you get past the guards?"  the monster asked.

            "I-it talks?!"  Duo's face went pale.

            (( Easy, there were no guards, you ugly moron.))

"Oh, is that…"  The monster pointed to Duo.  "A chibi animal?"

((No, it's a golf club with wings.  Damn she's stupid.))

"Then… then you are from Colony L5!  You wouldn't happen to have the Light bulb of Bight and Shininess?  You know, that bright and shiny thing?"

"Say no! JUST SAY NO!"

((I CAN'T SAY NO!))

"Gaah!  Fine, you've forced it out of us.  We have it."  Duo said.  The monster looked at them with confusion. 

"I knew it!  I knew that you would come here.  I will tell you how I knew!"  said the monster.  "First:  I had a dream.  Dark clouds were billowing across the Earth…"

((Yeah, it's called a thunderstorm.))

"…and suddenly, from the Colony L5, the clouds split apart, with a bishilicious figure holding a light bulb, followed by a chibi animal."

"And the second reason?"  Duo asked.

"I've been stalking you throughout the story."  The monster smiled.  "Oh!  I was so caught up in my dream I forgot to introduce myself!  I am Relena, the Princess of Earth.  And what is your name?"

((…………………………………. Meow.))

"Heero…"  Relena said.  "Strange, it sounds, somehow, familiar…."

((What the HELL IS HER DEAL?  SHE'S FUCKEN  MESSED UP!))

"Now, I will tell you the Legend of the Five Gundams, that is passed down by my family."

"Listen, lady.  We don't have time.  It's almost the end of this chapter, and we wanna get it over it."  Duo explained.  

"Oh."  Relena said, a little heart broken.  "Well, I will  force my friend to take you out of the castle.  She's right behind us."  There was a dark figure that was glaring at Relena.  "But first I will teach you the melody of the Royal Family."  Relena took out her xylophone and began to hit random keys.

"NO!  NO!  CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!"  the dark figure walked up to the group of three, and wasn't so dark anymore.

"I'm sorry, Dorothy.  Please teach Hero the melody."

"God, you dumbass, you always make me do everything…"  Dorothy snatched the xylophone out of Relena's hands, and played a beautiful tune, which Heero replied to with his xylophone.

"Okay, let's get out of here before she starts with the story about the little pink dragons."  Dorothy grabbed Heero's wrist, and ran!  Ran like they never did:  with their arms flying in the air, and their feet pigeon toed, they ran like never before. 

            "Now, for the next item, you must go to the Mountain of the Retarded Ugly Apes.  They are a very ass-ugly race of monkeys, and the retarded leader will hook ya up."  Dorothy said.  "And at the foot of the mountain, there is the village that I grew up in: Village of Stuff.  Wait a minute…"  she stopped.  "There they are!"

            "What?"  Duo asked.

            "The squirrels!  I ordered them ages ago!"

            ((And what for?))

            "To put in Relena's bed."  Dorothy snickered.

            "Now, we head for the Mountain of Ugly Apes?"   Duo asked.  Dorothy nodded as she picked up the cage.  Heero sighed the best he could through the tape and began to hit his head on a tree.  "What the hell are you doing, Heero?"  Duo flew over to him.

            ((I need amnesia.  I want to forget everything that's happened.))

            "Okay!"  Dorothy hit Heero in the head with the cage of squirrels, and Heero was knocked unconscious.

Continued in Part Two

            


End file.
